My liver just broke up with me...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
