I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
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She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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