walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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