I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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