He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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