She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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