I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
