dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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