please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
