Where did you get a picture of my penis
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
