Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
