I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
