Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
