my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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