It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
