Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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