So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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