you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
