thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
