So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
