You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
