playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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