Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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