I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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