Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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