I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
