please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
