im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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