I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
