this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You can't special order awesome
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
