I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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