she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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