How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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