Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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