I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
