areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
