This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
two words: eviction party
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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