He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
