my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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