Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
