ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
