remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
