Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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