so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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