Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm really busy with my period
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