i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
