you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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