Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
