I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think people are normalizing furries
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
