I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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