At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
