I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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