Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
