I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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