you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
