I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
