phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
