I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
