What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
