and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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