Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
