Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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