I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
