It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
