Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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