This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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